I have three grown sons, and they have dated some fantastic women over the years. Being a boy mom always made me feel vulnerable because if their girlfriend didn’t like me and they ended up marrying, I may never see my son again. Women rule the roost; if your daughter-in-law hates you, you probably won’t be spending holidays together. I have changed the past girlfriend’s names for privacy reasons.

After my divorce, I had full custody of my sons, which added an extra layer of closeness between us. Many moms may find this story unrelatable because they don’t get involved in their sons’ relationships. To be clear, I feel equally close to the guys my boys forged friendships with and consider some to be like sons to me. As my kids grew older, their relationships with their girlfriends felt more serious. I would tread carefully while wondering if this could be the one. When the girlfriends came over, I would chat with them to find things we had in common. We would cook together or talk about music, fashion, and life; we would bond uniquely over time.

My oldest son didn’t date in high school and brought his first girlfriend home from college, which he prefaced with a PowerPoint presentation outlining a set of rules he wanted us to follow during her visit. She had flawless skin, thick hair, and a sexy librarian vibe. I came to learn that this was his type. I booked Gabrielle her first facial; we had manicures together and bonded over baking cookies. I wanted her to like me because she might be the one. But she wasn’t, and we’re still friends on Facebook.

Chase dated a few other girls after that, but no one seriously until he brought home Nicole (her real name because she is the one!). I sensed that Nicole was important because Chase and I had many phone calls about her. He recited what she was wearing the day he first saw her. This was Nicole’s first time in Los Angeles, so I compiled a list of things she might want to do. She chose to go wine tasting but hadn’t brought clothes for cooler weather. I offered her coats, scarves, and accessories, and came in so hot she must have been like, lady, chill out! I’m notorious for my big personality, and no doubt I overwhelmed her with my desperation to have her like me. After all, I was pretty sure she was the one. She borrowed a leather jacket from me, which looked fabulous, and after the visit, she bought the same coat for herself. We’ve had a lot of laughs over that first visit and how I came in hot, but thankfully, she dealt with my desperation for her to like me, and now she loves me.

My middle son, Campbell, dated the same girl throughout high school, so she became like a daughter to me. I watched her mature and grow into a beautiful woman. She was funny, sweet, bright, and had great friends who all came over quite a bit, so I got to know them, too. Margot was great for my son, and she couldn’t lie to me, so whenever I needed the truth, I could count on her to tell me the straight story. I grew incredibly close to Margot, and it was hard for me when she and Campbell broke up. I felt it was the best for both of them, but I couldn’t say goodbye to her forever. She had stolen a piece of my heart. Margot and I are still friends on Instagram; we’ve had lunch a few times and DM each other occasionally. I will always root for Margot and wish her the best. Campbell now lives with someone who was my youngest son’s dear friend in high school, so I already knew her well. Olivia (her real name) is the perfect match for Campbell. She is kind, caring, intelligent, hardworking, and passionate about helping the planet. Olivia spends holidays with us, and we have dinner every few weeks. I treat her like my daughter and genuinely want her to love me because she might be the one!

My youngest son started dating a neighbor in his fifth-grade class. I met her parents, and we became friends. This girl was feisty, strong-willed, and clever. She had a bit of street in her, which I related to. The relationship between my son and Brianna didn’t last long, but I keep in touch with her and consider her a friend. After Brianna, Bailey met Ally at a skate park, and they soon became a couple. Since they were still in middle school, I monitored the situation closely, which helped me get to know Ally well. She was at our house a lot. Her grandmother was raising her, and I felt I could positively influence her life. Bailey and Ally broke up, but she still calls me her other mother, and I see her often. I couldn’t bear to break up with Ally just because Bailey did.

Bailey started dating Gabrielle in college. She was intelligent, fashionable, and fiery. I wouldn’t have gotten to know her well since they were on the East Coast, but she lived with us for a while when the school closed due to COVID-19. Gabrielle and I bonded over our mutual love for fashion and writing. We worked out together, talked, prepared meals, and forged a deep connection. They dated for a few years, and they weren’t right for each other, but she had become my friend. The breakup was painful and dramatic, which made it hard for me not to cut ties without violating my son, but she and I had a different relationship. Did I need to break up with her, too? I’m still friends with Gabrielle and cheer for her success, and that’s okay with my son. Bailey met Carolina (her real name) after he graduated from college. They now live together in NYC. I adore Carolina, and we have connected over our love of fashion, Pilates, skincare, and being strong, independent women. Carolina is stylish, intelligent, thoughtful, and loyal. She moved from LA to NYC, completed her master’s, and has an impressive career. Under her quiet demeanor is an absolute badass. Carolina and Bailey recently moved in together, and I want her to love me because I’m pretty sure she is the one.

I’m smiling as I wrap up this story, thinking about all the amazing women I have met through my three sons. Each one has left an imprint on my heart. I love women and appreciate their differences, how they view the world, and their place in society. Every one of my son’s girlfriends has changed me for the better. But I still grapple with this question: When my sons end a relationship, do I need to end it, too?