I didn’t realize the sacrifices my mother’s friends made to help raise me until I had my own children. Throughout my childhood, it felt like I had several mothers. My mom left early every morning to catch the commuter train from our home on Long Island to her job in New York City. After a long day at work, she returned home exhausted and drained. While she was at work, her friends stepped in to fill the void she left behind. My mother was an incredibly inspiring woman and a wonderful parent. One thing that made her a great mother was her willingness to ask for help.
My primary second mom was my mother’s best friend, Carlotta. Her house was my home away from home and the kind of house I dreamed of living in someday. There was a snack drawer, kids running around playing outside with plenty of bikes for everyone, and the constant maternal figure to place a band-aid on your skinned knee. Carlotta had the perfect balance of kindness and glamour, providing me with a role model for what I strove to be when I had a family. I called her Aunt Carlotta, and she never made me feel like a burden when she had to take me to the dentist or buy a dress for my first Long Island Junior dance. When my mother was in a severe car accident, Carlotta took me out of my bed in the middle of the night and brought me to her house, where I lived until my mom was out of the hospital. After raising three boys, I could clearly understand Carlotta’s sacrifices to help raise me and fill the gaps my working mother left behind. At my mother’s funeral, she described their friendship as two halves of a coin which made a whole. While raising my sons, I understood better how much Carlotta sacrificed to be there for me and my mom. She epitomized the true meaning of a friend and set the bar high for my future friendships. Carlotta had four children, a husband, a social life, and a household to run. For her to take on the responsibilities of another person’s child was a huge deal.
Since Carlotta helped raise me, I inherited some of her traits, interests, and passions. I wouldn’t know how to cook if she hadn’t been my second mother. She taught me about family traditions, how to create a magical holiday, set a beautiful table, craft a lovely centerpiece, throw a fun party, and always care for Mother Earth. Carlotta reused water bottles long before recycling became common. She was a forward thinker, and I greatly admired her.
My other mother was Molly. She managed my extracurricular activities, which included horseback riding. Most of my friends kept their horses at a barn with grooms who would saddle up the horses before we showed up for our lessons. I had a backyard horse that lived in a scrappy barn. I’m not sure how my mother even managed to afford having a pony, but riding became my life outside of school, requiring an extra set of hands. Molly would pick me up after school and take me to her house, where her daughter and I would memorize the course for our next horse show. She would make us buttered noodles the night before a horse show and wake us up at dawn on show day to take us to our competition.
The first winter I had my pony, we couldn’t afford a blanket for him, so Molly gave me one for Christmas. It was a beautiful shade of green with leather trim, and my pony looked regal when I put it on him. Molly often showed up at my house with carrots and fancy horse treats, which made me feel important, as did my not-so-fancy backyard pony. Molly had a wicked sense of humor and taught me that humor can heal many wounds. She was nurturing and always uplifted me with a joyful smile. I pined over what to give her for Christmas because she was so important to me, and she always said she wanted Jean Nate bath oil. I understand now that she knew I didn’t have any money and that giving her a gift meant a lot to me, so she gave me the gift of giving her one.
Molly was always there for me; I felt she knew when I needed her. There were days when she would show up at my house when I was alone and whisk me off in her car to run errands. She took me to get my teeth cleaned and my haircut when it was getting scrappy on the ends. Molly taught me how to be silly, not take things too seriously, and play backgammon. Her house was full of love, hugs, and animals, and I loved spending time there. Now that I’m an adult, I understand how significant it is to take care of another child’s extracurricular activities when you have a life and kids of your own.
My two other mothers profoundly influenced who I am and how I view the world. They also dedicated their time to me, the greatest gift one can give a child. I wish I could express my gratitude for everything they did for me during my childhood, but my words feel inadequate. They never once spoke a negative word about my mother, not once. I know there were days when I may have been an added burden to them, but my other mothers never made me feel that way. They became a seamless extension of my mother’s loving embrace, where I felt safe while she was at work.
If you are a mother and have the opportunity to help a friend who needs extra support with their kids, recognize that you are making a significant impact on that child’s life. This influence will last and can shape the person they will become. You might teach them something they will pass down to their children, like a family tradition, how to bake a pie, plant a garden, or just let them know they are worthy of your time. I genuinely appreciate and deeply understand the saying; it takes a village
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